It's a Girl

The 19-week ultrasound is a milestone in the pregnancy. It's where the final tests on the health and viability of the baby are conducted; it is also when we find out the gender.

The three of us crowd into the tiny office with the ultrasound tech and hear that everything looks healthy and normal. Growth is on-schedule; organs are developing; the placenta looks just right and any further bleeding is unexpected. It’s a girl.

My cheeks ache from prolonged smiling. Surely God has read the deepest desires of my and Bobby’s heart, giving us this exceptional gift of a daughter.

I call every member of my family and all of my closest friends. I make them listen to the details of how she is healthy and then I share that share that she is a she. I am struck by how wonderful it feels to be sharing positive news. So many months now I have been at the top of a phone-tree of pain; I am refreshed to bear good news and joy to everyone I love.

That joy and excitement interrupts my thoughts daily and my sleep nightly. I think about her. What will she be like? Will she have my curly hair, her daddy’s beautiful hazel-green eyes? Will she follow Little H around adoringly, be as cautious and observant as him? Or will she be quick to embrace change, as the second child often is? Will she want me to read her Anne of Green Gables, as my mother did me? Will she despise me when she gets to junior high and go through a mean phase? What will she and Little H’s relationship be as they become adults and their nearly four-year age gap closes to insignificance?

I almost don’t even think about the question of whether she has inherited the BRCA gene mutation or not. Almost.  

I paint a soft, pink sign for above her crib that says, “I made a wish and you came true.”