Feeling Up My Friends

I saw and felt another woman’s boobs for the first - and second and third - time this week.  And it was quite nice.    

Although far from the traditional ways pleasantness and intimacy are expressed with breasts (such as with mother/child or wife/husband), closeness and bonding was certainly conveyed through these three women who bared their beauty and their scars for me.

I saw how mangled my natural body will become. I felt how heavy and hard my new breasts will be.

With the date of my bilateral mastectomy on the horizon, I’m now ready to channel attention into surgery and reconstruction details and options. 

 

I seek out women with implants to share their experience and possibly their results with me, which is not uncommon within the sisterhood of survivors. We want to help those behind us in the journey. Plus, well, by the time you have been cut open, scooped out, and rebuilt, not a lot of timidity remains.

There are two main techniques for reconstruction, with several nuisances available within each. One method uses implants and the other uses transplantation of tissue from another area on your body.

The latter, which are called tissue flap procedures, have been ruled out as an option for me, as I currently lack a sufficient excess of fat to fill two breasts. I am not keen on the added invasiveness of tissue flap surgeries and, frankly, am relieved to have the option taken off the table. One less disturbance of the natural state of my body. One less life-altering choice to face.

This leaves me with implants: silicone or saline filled pouches. The vast majority of women select silicone, finding them to create more natural looking and feeling breasts.

There are some lingering disputes about the safety of silicone, but my surgeons and doctors assure me of their trust in either option. I waver undecided until just before the surgery.

 

Saline. Mostly for my own peace of mind, I will decide to go with saline. They will create an inferior result, but in turn, offer me some relief from worry that I have caused or exacerbated the inflammation that will flare in my chest for years to come.

At this point, I don't really understand how just how odd my chest will feel after the surgery - and for the rest of my life. But I also don't care all the much. Yet.