My oncologist tells me I should be grateful I have a child already. Which I am. To the depths of all that I am, I cherish and love my son.
But this does not pacify the yearning to be blessed with another child to love so. I feel like I've been told to just be glad I have one ear, when what I really want is two. Of course I'm grateful to have one, probably all the more so. But I really like my ear and still think about having a second.
As I am eeking my way through the cancer treatments, I continually look ahead to what will lie in the thereafter. Can I ever get to a place where life feels normal again? ...Where the ramifications of having cancer are no longer pervasive? …Where my goals and dreams have the possibility of being met?
I think about the fourth member of my family with regularity, expectation, and anticipation; she or he will arrive one day and complete us.