Mother of Two

In the coming days and weeks, I will learn how to be a parent of two.

The first morning I'm home with both children starts bright and early - of course. I've just given my daughter, Baby L, her first bath (after a throw-up incident), fed her tiny tummy an astounding third bottle in four hours, and have her on my shoulder to burp when she lets out a little grunt and a loud gargle of poo fills the back of her diaper. Nearly simultaneously, Little H hollers from the bathroom, "Mommy, I'm done." In other words, Mom, I've just pooped; come wipe my butt. My hands are full and I'm surrounded by multiple needs - and poop. Yes, I am a mother of two now.

I quickly learn to juggle tasks and make quick judgments of priority. I learn to sleep on demand, disregarding noise, light, or any other disturbances, because otherwise there might not be any sleep. I change my clothes, and the bed sheets, only when an inordinate amount of pee or spit-up has soaked into them.

I notice that my first baby, my son, will also need a daunting amount of attention and love as his understanding of his family is changed.

And, I am reminded of my husband's quality of character by how many middle-of-the-night feedings he takes on.

Amidst these suddle lessons, I am completely calm and simply happy. (So happy!) I cuddle that precious, tiny baby and am daily filled with awe of her.

 ~ ❤ ~

Two weeks after Baby L's birth, I start Tamoxifen, an anti-estrogen therapy for hormone receptive breast cancer. I know, that sentence just had a lot of words that don't mean much to the average person. In brief, Tamoxifen works at slowing, stopping, or preventing the growth of a specific type of cancer cells, such as mine.

My start of Tamoxifen was delayed by the pregnancy. So just as soon as the post-partum spotting ceases, I unleash this next phase of treatment on my body and begin the once/day pill regime. 

Side effects include: hot flashes, vaginal dryness, decreased interest in sex, blood clots, overgrowth of uterus lining, ovarian cysts, stroke, endometrial cancer...  But because Tamoxifen has been shown to be effective at lowering the risk of breast cancer recurrence - because it will help me survive - I will take it every day for the next 5 years.  

Gratefully.